Clearly I said to myself 'only God understand our situation'. I don't have the hope to stay here, even him also encouraged me to go back to my homeland after graduating. So, long distance it means! Finalised!
Was it worth to stay here after all the shootings and unfair judgement that we have received all this while? Negative!
Was it worth a confab after all these happen since from the very beginning?! A help?! Rubbish!
My future is my future! Our future is our future! Our future is in God's hand, not anybody else! So, please stop bothering me! Will it be too late??? Sorry, It's too late! I can't help! Because why now? Why not do it since from the very beginning? This isn't a confrontation! This is over-useless for us, as I said, it's too late!
God, we need Your presence between us Lord! Not all the busybody people that now just appear to be good for us! Hey there, you can put down your mask now! It's so ugly! I don't even can recognise you!
Fake or true? Just put away all your jealousy! Put away all your greediness for what it's called??? Ohhh...position?!!! Wow, that's great! I don't even give a dxxx care for such thing. Is there a position in serving the Lord? Didn't the Lord said all the servants of Him are just the same?! Com'on, there is no such thing call high and low in position in the Kingdom of God! So, please my dear, just turn your eyes, turn on your heart for Him, not the greediness of being a shepherd, being a leader! What the heck is that actually that you wanted so badly to possess it?! Oh mai goodness! So foolish, so blind-hearted!
Wow...can't believe with my own eyes that I've gained lot of weight since i came to Kampar!
Haha...
From Form 5- 39kg, up to 41kg during my Upper 6.
Then again increased to 43kg during my Year 1 in Kampar, for such a short while.
But during my Year 1 semester break, it dropped to 40kg due to work in Seremban. Instead I did eat a lot during that time as my 1st aunt fed me with all food, food, and food. Delicious!
Later on while in my 2nd year of study, my weight rose to 45kg. And I never weighed my weight again since then because I kept on thinking to gain more weight to reach until 50kg, the weight that I long for. Then, just will I satisfy. Haha...what a foolish me!
Year by year, when I went back to hometown. The 1st thing that all the people said to me when they met me was 'Wow, you've gained some weight already!' That included my mum, sometimes she likes to tease on my thighs & butt, saying 'Haha...look like they have already became same as mine!' Hmmm...I can't help, cuz I was too skinny during my time in hometown. What to do, mum controls our food a lot!
Today, surprisingly when I weigh my weight in my friend's house. I was OMG! 48.6kg?!!! Seriously?!!! After all this while obsessing to gain til 50kg, suddenly, I feel like NO...enough!!! No more weight! Stop right away! Look at my body, my arms & my thighs, it's getting fatter! So disgusting! Many of my pants that no longer fit me! Arghhhh~~~~~~have to control my diet, which I never did before!
Sad to get to know about my weight... =(
Sometimes, I wonder... why everything must be reported? Am I not suppose to have my own space & own way? (Oh please, I can't breathe!) It seems clearer to me that care sometimes can be so stressful, feel just like there is a remote control that keep controlling me, controlling my way of life! A nightmare! I'm not certain if anybody feels the same way I do.
Come to another part of my story, my big problem too:
Hardly believe that I'm a person that always says no...reject, reject and reject! Why? Hmmm...I think nobody seems to understand that. That's the way I am. When I rejected anything that you ask me to do, that means I don't have the interest in doing it. In other words means that I don't have the faith to do it. Which means...same goes with I don't like to do it! So please, please don't force me to do things which I don't like to do. Don't push me, don't stress me! That feels like a nightmare!
Guess what~ I'm not good in socialise too! I'm too stupid to come up with any interesting topics to chat with. It's so suffer for me when it comes to the matter of communication. I sometimes rather be alone as I am scare to talk. I will try so hard to think of any questions or any topics to talk to you. So, please do understand me that when I quiet down, that doesn't mean that I'm quiet or don't want to talk. But somehow rather, it simply means that I'm unable to squeeze for anything to bring out. I'm lame! I'm not a critical thinker!
Sorry to say that I'm IM-PURR-FECT!
我还是不满意！气还没消！越想越气！怎么那么不公平啊！神啊，为什么那么偏心啊？！！！
说什么‘他们’已经认定了会永远在一起的，到最后也不是分手一场！ 切！也不是个谎言！结果~跟别的人在一起了，就这样认定他们！ 我呢？！给我个 屁~
果然，还是跟着自己的方向感走好了。。。尽然这样的不公平，那我还是离开这个令我万分讨厌的地方最好！！！！！我已经不在乎这里一切了！以后分手了也没什么大不了的~ 因为尽然‘他们’也这样，我怎么也不可以呢，对不对？我的事也跟任何人无关！！！有必要怎么多管我的闲事吗？我已经累了~ 哇。。。我真的好叛逆噢！你越不想要我做的事，我就偏要做给你看！我就是这样的啊！I was born this way babe!
OK啦。神啊，我把所有的事都交托给你，就让你做决定吧！其他多管闲事的人，好不好请你们滚远一些！！！
Take one day at a time.
- (Mat 6:34 NIV) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Remember, all things work together for good.
- (Rom 8:28 NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Under no circumstances should you worry.
- (Phip 4:6 NIV) Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Start everyday with prayer and thanksgiving.
- (1Th 5:15-18 NIV) Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
The Lord will never leave you or forsake you; Don’t ever forget that!
- (Heb 13:5 NIV) Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
We, all those couples who are committed into relationship, did a checklist for the compatibility with our own partners during last night BGR(Boy Girl Relationship) Seminar. While people were busy celebrating their Valentine's Day or the other so called 'Single Party', this is how we(single and in relationship) have our day in our church! A good way to avoid any 'unhealthy pre-marital activities' (In my thought). LOL~
So this is the checklists of mine and his:
What is/are your reason(s) for having life partner/marrying?
The following are some reasons people give for getting married. Which do you consider legitimate reasons, and which are not good reasons. Do the checklist and compare it with your partner to see how you agree/disagree
[Mine]
(NO) Parent expectation
(NO) To escape a troubled home
(YES) Someone who will make me happy
(NO) Financial security
(NO) Cannot live without the other person
(YES) Someone to care about me and take care of me
(NO) Age panic
(YES) To raise a family
(NO) My romantic ideal
(YES) My best friend and companion
(NO) Intellectual stimulation
(NO) For status or emigration
(NO) For legitimate sexual fulfillment
(NO) To have someone who will do what I say
( ) Other.....................
[His]
(NO) Parent expectation
(NO) To escape a troubled home
(YES) Someone who will make me happy
(NO) Financial security
(NO) Cannot live without the other person
(YES) Someone to care about me and take care of me
(NO) Age panic
(NO) To raise a family
(NO) My romantic ideal
(YES) My best friend and companion
(YES) Intellectual stimulation
(NO) For status or emigration
(NO) For legitimate sexual fulfillment
(NO) To have someone who will do what I say
( ) Other.....................
Some of the statements are kinda funny though! But there is no right or wrong...
So there it was! 93% compatible I can say! Now, what's yours?
啊。。。后悔那么的早回来金宝！想念东甲了哟~
起初想赶快回来金宝的原因是因为东甲好闷。。。后悔没带电脑去，不然的话就可以打game了！哈哈哈哈~
但是回来金宝之后又觉得自己回来的太早了，看到朋友们却在facebook说他们13或15日才回来。。。好遗憾><
想念婆婆了，
想念爸爸了，
想念那儿的新年气氛，
想念小姑所煮的菜肴，
想念那里一切的回忆！
好舍不得噢~
想起婆婆，又哭了。。。
脑海里不仅出现当时婆婆及陪伴在她身边的爸爸，大小姑和叔叔，在门口送我走的场景
临走时抱着婆婆，婆婆哭了。。。好对不起她！这不孝的孙女干嘛那么早就回了。。。
亲戚们，我好想念，好爱你们哦！
*我的偏头痛又发作了，不得不停笔了*
Suddenly remember the letter that Sophie wrote to Claire in the movie, Letters to Juliet. It’s so powerful that it melt my heart. Fascinating yet meaningful.
Dear Claire,
‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be.
But put them together side-by-side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.
‘What if?’...
I don’t know how your story ended.
But if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late.
If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart...
I don’t know what a love Juliet’s feels like...
A love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for...
But I’d like to believe, if I ever were to feet it, that I’d have the courage to seize it.
And Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.”
All my love,
Juliet
It’s hard to going the distance! Will I leave Kampar? Will I leave my family and cross the ocean for him? Will I? Arghhh...it’s so hard to decide! What if...I do? What if I don’t? What will happen then?
